Scared conversation to the Sacred conversation.

Note:Kindly do not read this article, please,

As you want everything to be perfect as you imagined, well organized and structured with all the vocabulary promptly. I cannot do that as I tend to forget the new words as my mind becomes empty, and I flow through that space, allowing my heart to take the form of words.

I’m not an English girl, nor I wanted to be. I don’t want to sound alien; I’m local and more than that natural.

I (don’t) want you to get disappointed as I cannot satisfy your needs and deeds in this article.

As you go familiar with my nature as a person and expect me to write these articles in a time frame and maintain consistency in delivering the essay with a conclusion.

I can not do it! As I’m a woman with a heart and a significantly less brain (mind- logic), working cannot keep up the fuel without the solid intention to write up.

With the above all writings, I’m preparing you to expect (nothing) from me – an imperfect being and a mystic woman.

Also, dear solution provider, I do not know or share any solutions through this journal as I do not know anything. The question arises of the need to learn (not) from the problem. All I see is the problem (not). I still doubt there is any problem. Yes, there is a problem, which is my problem of not having any issues(problem).

The issue free issue raised in my head while having a conversation with my friend over the telephone, whom I spoke to after eight years.

She was a typical South Indian girl from an orthodox family who got married to a new gentleman from the same community by their elders. Just like other girls, she, too, dreamed of many things only at heart. Shy kind of, rigid girl with sensitive nature carrying a simple style who struggled hard to adapt to the series of situations and hardships in her life.

But now, she is a different girl, totally open-minded, very positive, trying to cope -up, responsible, working woman, and a teacher; pubs and dating sites is her peaceful spot, etc.

It was like all the Facebook and insta quotation alive in her words. Irrespective of all, she is grown, looking at life from a different perspective. Away from others’ opinions, she admitted that though it took some years to learn, finally, with the time she arrived here, accepting herself and others as they are.

No doubt, accepting things as they are reduces our problems. Where there is no problem, there is no solution required. Only when there is a problem solution is needed.

She does not have any problems, so she is not seeking any solutions. The struggle is always there. In other words, there is a struggle to realize the problem is no more a problem.

I can see her growth and evolve as a person. We spoke for 2 hours quickly, and she shared her whole story filling the eight years of conversation
gaps.

How her dating site partner, her secret friend, had helped her boost and develop a positive mindset. Where and with whom can she be herself? It’s not love with him, mutual respect, and the freedom to be genuine in non -relationship commitment.Their long-distance relationships and rare meet-ups also mentioned his friend’s wife as a psychopath. She strongly resonates with his story and feels a zodiac connection with him.

She was on and on with all sharing and listening, a two-way conversation, and discussed making her family and her in-laws’ family comfortable by pretending as they like her to be. I thought this made sense. She learned to play her role, giving them what her family wants and taking what she wants—a perfect balance.

She’s not interested in any second marriage, nor has she divorced her husband. He’s there; his presence and absence do not make sense anymore in her life. Her kids are her responsibility, and he comes to her home to spend time with the kids and go back. They both live in different houses.

The conversation continued, and in between came the dating site partner who helped her evolve, revolt, re-back, refresh, and recharge. She sounded so mature, like a grown girl quotes. I truly admired her for what she is and has gone through; we hadn’t spoken about painful or dramatic scenes and dialogues. No guilt or bad trips, no regrets; it was as if two alpha females were talking.

She is involved in her sayings, and I’m lost collecting with the similar experiences shared by other girls. She asked about my husband and my love life; moreover, I, too, shared my story of meeting my twin flame in addition to the experiences of being you with you in both male and female versions at a time. Everything has got its pros and cons. I was also open and shared the good and bad parts of having a twin flame.

My only struggle being with him is I lost myself and found myself in his love, and I’m in the union with him. To make our lives more graceful, I wanted to learn to experience solitude. This is because we are together constantly, 24/7, round the clock, and I am used to this; I want this, and I love this. Now, I wanted to experience this beyond. Meeting him had me realize the strived destination. Whatever the journey it is now, with him, the ever-ending, never tedious, so profound love-making journey. Now my eyes do not look for love from the person outside; it expresses the love I have within me.

However, I feel a gap, a space, or no opening in our room because of my other half. Only the people who are twin flames know what I’m speaking. I’m complete with a half version of me being sitting and living next to me. I’m independently dependent on him as if he has become my essential need to survive—the extreme madness in love and hell of ecstasy.

I want to be alone, wanting to experience solitude physically and mentally without any urge or surge of emotions for him.

Anyway, I recalled my so called female alpha matures – She quotes an alpha woman who doesn’t run in packs and pretends to be at peace and masks them, allowing their masculine power of the mind to cover up in logic, trying to fake it till they make it. Who is holding on to something for not being abundant financially? That’s the only thing that stops or ties them to this world. Otherwise, they would have created their dynasty, the upgraded Queens who won’t search for any dating site partner when he finds another girl, who doesn’t feel jealous about their new relationship with another girl, although if she feels jealous about his relationship, won’t admit it, simply walk like a lioness and find another dating partner, who is conscious of not falling into the emotional trap and bond but still falls into the traps. Who says I’m not looking for love but deeply desire and love them silently? I know it doesn’t work this way, so,

Without any delay, after a deep depressing short nap, find another dating boy for emotional support or to boost them to mask the face to face the world.

I ask myself, is it a good and healthy sign? Doing whatever they want, irrespective of good and evil and experimenting with their lives, and creating their own rules, which sometimes ruin their lives, living their life to the fullest according to them and learning from their mistakes or making only wise mistakes to learn foolish things. Do girls need someone else or something else to hold on to? It’s the beginning. There is so much and so many to go around the world before they actually zoom in.

Is this the journal sharing the journey of a sensitive woman to an alpha woman?

Being sensitive to a struggle,

A struggler to a holder ( survivor)

A holder to a finder,

A finder to a peacemaker.

(an in-complete version of my thoughts…. )

• Maha maitreyanandi.